Day 29: Hopes, Dreams, Plans for 365 days

These are some things I would like to have happen within the next year...

Have Stephan graduate in December. And have a job not too long afterwards. He has his heart on getting a job in Washington state...

Re-learn how to sew

Become better at crocheting

Learn more about knitting

Learn more recipes

Make practicing my violin a habit

Not waste so much time on internet

Go to the temple at least once a month

Keep a cleaner house

Actually start saving some money...

Read more books

Attend more cultural events (preferably free ones)

Read scriptures on a more frequent basis

Go to bed at more reasonable hours

Eat healthier

Exercise more often

Possibly start trying for a baby...still under discussion. 

Some of the things I want to do within the next year, and more.

Day 28: What's in my purse

Lucky for me, I reorganized it a few days ago.

cell phone
wallet
feminine protection (hey, it did ask...)
pen
keys
car insurance card
lip gloss
some receipts I need to throw away
grocery list that I also need to toss

There you go.

Day 27: My Worst Habit

I asked Stephan what my worst habit is (because really, I have a lot of bad habits and it's hard to choose from), and he was very hesitant to tell me for fear of me being angry with him. I guess I can't blame him. He finally told me:

"Thinking people don't like you."

This is very true. Unfortunately.

You see, for a long time, I've basically decided that deep down, everyone who knows me must really hate me for some reason. I don't feel like I'm a likable person. In fact, I've been in therapy for this twice because I believe it is part of the cause of my depression and anxiety.

I believe the root cause of this is some childhood events. The beginning of them being detailed in this post, which I haven't provided a second part to. I will provide a second part here.

Because I was in Early Childhood (special ed for preschool aged kids) and required speech therapy, I came to my elementary school teachers with the label "special ed" and an account of my history. I had more or less become the poster child for the special education programs in the Katy ISD because I had defied the odds. Most of my teachers were fine, except for my second and fifth grade teachers.

And because I was speech delayed, I was behind in my social development, until I was in college actually. Needless to say, I was picked on a pretty fair bit for it. And in second and fifth grade, if I got into trouble with the teacher (even if I was innocent), my classmates would side against me. Some classmates would also pretend to be my best friend one day, and the next day, act like they never knew me.

Even among my friends, I always fear that one day they will suddenly decide they don't like me and pretend they never knew me. I even feel this way around family. To this day, I still think my husband's family must think he married a crazy woman and therefore not like me very much. I know this isn't true, but I can't seem to shake it. I always find a reason why someone must not like me, even if I am friends with them. It's hard for me to make friends because I wonder how in the heck they could like someone like me. This has resulted in me being somewhat high-maintenance.

Now you are probably wondering, "How did you ever get married then?" I've wondered that myself. It must have been a miracle.

I know some of you are asking, "You need some therapy, girl!" I've been in therapy for this. Twice. I can't seem to shake it, and I really want it gone. My paternal grandmother was a very paranoid woman, thinking everyone hated her, and I think it's what killed her. When she developed Alzheimer's, the only memories she had were of all the bad things people had done to her. I don't want that to happen to me.

Yes, this whole series is supposed to be lighthearted, and now I've killed it. But people have told me that they like my blog because of my honesty, and I want to uphold that. This is not one of those perky blogs that "Seriously, So Blessed" satirizes.

I hope that by writing this, I will find some healing. If anyone comments, I want them to be sincere. I don't want empty "I like you" comments. Just please, be sincere. I am not trying to make myself out to be a martyr and I am not looking for a pity party. I'm just showing you that yes folks, I am indeed human!

If you are genuinely my friend and are hurt by anything I say, please don't be. Just please continue being my friend, and know that I really am trying to overcome this.

If you made it to the end of this, I want to congratulate you. I hope I haven't put a damper on your day.

Day 26: My Week in *some* detail

Monday was MLK day, so Stephan did not have school or work. We slept in, had a late breakfast, then ran some errands. We stopped at Subway for lunch--I got a sweet onion chicken teriyaki sandwich, with onions, lettuce, and pickles. For some reason, I've started liking pickles recently. I used to hate them. Stephan had a roast beef sandwich with cheese and veggies...no dressings. He doesn't like dressings on his sandwiches or salads, unless it's the ginger dressing at Yamato. I must learn that recipe.

On Tuesday, Stephan worked from 8-12. I did some cleaning while he was gone and then took a shower. While I was in the shower, the FedEx guy knocked on my door. Unfortunately, I didn't get it, for obvious reasons. So, he left it at a neighbor's house. I didn't notice this until I was leaving to pick Stephan up--the guy left a note on the door. But I didn't have time to get it, plus, I knew it was my sewing machine. I picked Stephan up, we stopped at the bank, then went home and got my sewing machine. Stephan had fun playing with the parts.

I didn't sleep well Tuesday night, so I was *very* tired Wednesday morning. I also woke up with the mother of all shoulder pains. Ouch. I took Stephan too school, and went back to bed for about three hours. Yes, I was very tired. Then I got up and tried to clean. At two, I picked Stephan up from school. We made enchiladas for dinner that night (new recipe) and they turned out way too spicy. We are never getting "hot" enchilada sauce ever again.

I didn't sleep well again Wednesday night. Wha? And I had to wake up at 4:30 a.m. to let Misti drop Aiden off on our couch. After she dropped him off, I went back to bed. We got to sleep in a little, but then Aiden came to our door because he needed to use the bathroom. We got up, got some breakfast (gave Aiden a granola bar because that's what he wanted). Then we took Stephan to work. Aiden was upset that Stephan was gone because he wanted to play Wii with him. We went back to Aiden's apartment, got him dressed, got him some food, and watched a little bit of Pirates 2. Then he randomly turned it off. Grr. He wanted me to play with toys with him. I am not much of a playing with toys person. I just watched him play. Then his mom came home, and I left to go pick Stephan up from school.

Friday was kind of a rough day. I had gone to bed earlier, but had to wake up at 4:30 again to let Misti and Aiden in. And then I had to wake up again around 7-ish to take Stephan to school. Aiden wouldn't wake up, so I had to carry him to the car. He is a very tall four-year-old, so this was not an easy task. He finally woke up in the car, but wouldn't go to sleep when we got him (much to my chagrin). Aiden played on the Wii for a little while, but not long enough for me to get a nap in. He usually does *sigh*. I got him some food, then we went back to his apartment and watched Pirates 3. We watched it all the way through, yay. After the movie was over, I told him that it was time to get dressed. He told me he had to play with his toys first, but I countered that by telling him that he would get dressed and *then* play with his toys. He wanted me to dress him, but I know he can dress himself, and told him he could dress himself. An argument ensued (I know, arguing with a four-year-old), he stripped naked, and I still told him that he could dress himself (yes, I'm mean). He finally dressed himself, but told me to look away, never mind that he stripped naked in front of me. I don't remember everything that happened after that, but we did watch some Rupert on Qubo at one point. Then his mom came home, and I left to go get Stephan.

Saturday, we had planned to go to the temple, but I came down with a cold (again?). I took Stephan to work, and then tried to rest when I got home. I took a hot shower (ahhh) and tried to be human. At two, I picked Stephan up, and we tried to retrieve a package of his from UPS, but alas, the site was closed. Then we went to his mom's house so she could work on my aching shoulder. She did that, and worked on some pressure points on my foot to help my cold. It helped a lot! We hung out for a while, and then went and got some dinner and came home.

Today, we went to church, got sustained as Meetinghouse Librarians, Stephan had a case of vertigo (not fun),  but he did recover. Then we came home, had some leftover too-hot enchiladas, and here we are.

Day 25: My Day in Great Detail

Stephan's alarm went off at around 6:15 a.m.; he turned it off, and we snuggled for a little while. Then he got up to take a shower, and I promptly went comatose. Next thing I knew, he was coming out of the shower--I hadn't even heard the water running! I got up, threw on some sweats, then use the bathroom while Stephan toasted up some English muffins for his breakfast. Since it was nearing time for me to take him to work, I decided that I would eat breakfast when I got home. Stephan was a little slow getting ready this morning for some reason. We got out to the car, and there was frost on it, which is a normal occurrence in January, but annoying since we were already running late. So, Stephan scraped it off and announced that our scraper seemed to be wearing out. Great. Then we drove to UVU.

As soon as we got to UVU, Stephan turned off the car for some reason, which was really weird because I would be driving home as soon as he went to work. I (not so kindly) pointed it out to him, and he turned it back on. I felt bad about that :(

I drove home, parked the car, and went back into the apartment. I toasted an English muffin and spread peanut butter and jelly on the slices, and ate it for breakfast. After that, I just lazed around for a while, and even went back to bed because I was tired (had a hard time sleeping last night). I dozed for a while, then got up and did some dishes and other little chores around the house. I also listened to the BYU Devotional on the radio, and took a shower. I thought I heard a knock on the door while I was in the shower, but obviously I couldn't check. 

After the shower, I got dressed, listened to the rest of the Devotional, and then left to go pick Stephan up. As I was leaving, I saw a note on the door: FedEx tried to deliver a package, but since I didn't answer the door, they left it with a neighbor. Luckily it was the neighbor who faces us, but I didn't have time to get it since I needed to go get Stephan. I drove to UVU, picked him up, stopped at the bank to deposit some money, and came home. I picked up my package from Ken (the neighbor) and brought it back to the apartment. It was the sewing machine I got for Christmas! My mom had it shipped because I couldn't bring it on the plane. 

We had our leftover Subway sandwiches for lunch, and just hung out for a while. I was feeling kind of weird (in probably a hormonal way), and Stephan offered to rub my back, which helped. He let me talk things over with him too. Afterwards, Stephan opened the box my sewing machine came in and started tinkering with some of the parts. Silly Stephan ;)

Then I took a picture of the sewing machine so I could post it on facebook. I hadn't been on facebook in 11 days (I know, shocker) and Stephan still has my password. I had him log me in, and then I posted the picture and got some comments on it. I checked some stuff, and remembered why I'm reducing my facebook usage, and logged off. It was nearing dinnertime, so I started cooking. Pioneer Woman's macaroni and cheese was for dinner, with a side of garlic roasted broccoli. I had Stephan grate cheese for me while I did everything else--he's very helpful. The macaroni and cheese tasted milder than we wanted, but I found out it was because I had purchased mild cheddar cheese instead of medium. Whoops. Other than that, it was good. 

Afterwards, Stephan went and played with his DS for a little while, and I lazed around some more (I do that too often) and watched some Divine Comedy on YouTube (hilarious). Then I got a hankering for cookies--homemade cookies. I mentioned this to Stephan, and of course he told me that I must make cookies ;) He helped me wash dishes, and then I started the cookies. Oatmeal chocolate chip, in case you are wondering. Yummy. 

After I got all the cookies in the oven, I washed the dishes used for the cookies, and cleaned the kitchen. It was just in time for the first batch to come out. I took the first batch out, moved the second batch to the lower rack, and reset the timer. A few minutes later, that batch was done, and it was tasty.

Now, I'm finishing this post about my day. I hope you enjoyed it.

Day 24: Where I live

Currently, I live in Orem, UT. Orem is about an hour south of Salt Lake City, and is the town just north of Provo. It's pretty much a college town, since it is close to Brigham Young University (my alma mater) and Utah Valley University (where Stephan goes to school). I have been asked if there is a rivalry between Provo and Orem; as far as I can tell, there really isn't. However, Orem supposedly has a reputation for being the "immoral" town whereas Provo is the epitome of "Happy Valley." Maybe that's why I like living in Orem--it's more "real" to me. Ha ha.

The general stereotype of Utah is that everyone is white--no minorities. That's not entirely true. We actually live in a very heavily hispanic neighborhood. There are enough hispanics that the elementary school in our neighborhood hires translators for those kids whose parents do not speak English. Now black people are hard to find out here--there is one black guy in our entire ward. That's weird to me because a third of the student body at my high school was black.

Now, for where we live. I won't give specifics because there are too many creeps out there ;) We live in the north-central part of Orem (more or less). We live next door to our church, which makes things very convenient. Our ward is great--when we move, I want to take our ward with us. I love the ward because we're all pretty much in the same position--young marrieds, trying to make ends meet somehow. No competitiveness that I've seen. Our apartment is about 600 sq. feet, with a good-sized living room, too small kitchen, adequate bedroom, and a small bathroom. Oh, and we have a laundry room. And not a lot of storage space.

And that's it for "where I live."

Day 23: A Website

This was supposed to go under Day 22...I got them mixed up ;)

Alicia's Homemaking

I came upon this website when I worked at Emergency Essentials, looking for websites to advertise on. Since then, it has become one of my favorites.

Why? Alicia (the woman behind this site) is someone I can definitely relate to. She's also putting a husband through school, living in a tiny apartment (with a baby besides!), and on very little money. I think we could be friends, if only we lived in the same state. She blogs about her adventures in homemaking (cooking, budgeting, cleaning, etc.), her faith, her family, and marriage.

Check it out :)

Day 22: A YouTube video

This was the only one I could think of. It's hilarious, and very true. But big hair isn't that popular at BYU. Straight hair is the ideal. I know this because they tried to straighten mine.

The marriage hungry part? Oh yeah, it's true.

Day 21: A recipe

I haven't done this thing in a while, and I want to finish it.

I want to try this recipe sometime. It looks really good.

Christmas

We had a good Christmas and I had a good birthday (a few of them, actually).

On Christmas Day, Stephan baked up some Rhodes cinnamon rolls for my birthday breakfast. We opened the few presents we had for each other. We picked out our own Christmas presents. Yes, we are boring. I got Stephan headphones that were normally $30 for $10 with Amazon gift cards that I got from using Swagbucks. I also got him a new polo shirt. Stephan got me Josh Groban's newest album, a beret, and a couple of tops (he wrapped the beret and shirts together). 

Since we spent last Christmas with my family, we spent it with Stephan's this year. Stephan got to talk to his brother Brent (who is coming home from his mission at the end of March) and then we opened more presents. Lots of good presents. One of my favorites was a wheat grinder. After presents was dinner. Since there were so many people there that day, my mother-in-law forewent the traditional turkey dinner for a soup bar of sorts. Then we had a birthday for me, with the cherry pie I made. My mother-in-law isn't used to someone in the family having a Christmas birthday, so she didn't have a cake. She felt bad, but I wasn't upset because I wasn't expecting her to have a cake. Then I got my birthday present: essential oils. I am having fun learning how to use them :)

The rest of the day, people played games and such. We ate dessert. And I spent most of the time holding my adorable new nephew Kelton :)

Then Stephan and I came home, and he basically pampered me the rest of the night. His birthday present to me will always be Christmas evening to do whatever I wish, and my wish was to be pampered. 

Now to Houston...

My parents held off on celebrating Christmas until the 28th because Stephan and I were flying in on the 27th and my brother Craig had to work on Christmas day. We got good presents there too--I got a sewing machine! I was originally going to get my mom's old one, but she found out that it was almost on its last leg, so she got me a new one instead. It has to be shipped, but I'm so excited about it! I've been wanting to get serious about sewing for a while now. And as tradition dictates, we celebrated my birthday later.

Yes folks, I got THREE birthdays. So, why am I gypped again? 

We spent a total of a week in Houston. I got my haircut by my hairdresser Scott (please don't let it be a year before I see him again), and it looks great. I like my hair shorter--easier to manage and the curls bounce more. We saw the new Narnia movie--I liked it, but I know people who were disappointed. And we ate Mexican and Indian food (Stephan's first time eating Indian). All in all, a good trip. I don't want it to be another year before we visit my family again, though. 

Now we're back in Utah and to our routine. Stephan has started a new semester of school. We recently found out that Stephan will not be graduating until December (a miscalculation on his part). He's taking a lighter class load and is getting 20 hours at work, for which we are grateful. He was working 15 last semester, which made things really tight after my layoff. I'm back to watching Aiden a few times a week and trying to organize our apartment better.