birth control...my reasons

You know, there is not anything in Church policy that says that women cannot use birth control. Yet, you meet so many Church members who think that once you're married, it's time to start popping out babies and there is no reason to wait. 

The official Church stance is that family planning is between the couple and the Lord. Stephan and I have talked about it, and we both feel like it's okay for us to wait a short time.

I have officially been on birth control for a week now. No evil side effects so far. Well, I have had a few "off" days with regards to my mood, but other than that, I've been fine. There has been the increased hunger, but I have just caught that and I am getting a handle on it so I can still fit into my wedding dress!

I have had a few people seem shocked when I've told them that Stephan and I are waiting until he's finished with school to start a family. One woman said: "My husband is in school but that didn't stop us from having kids." And a friend (unmarried) gasped and asked: "Why?!" I also have a certain relative (who shall remain anonymous) who keeps betting that I'm going to get pregnant on my wedding night. Of course, this relative may very well be joking around (you never know with this one). 

I have my reasons for birth control. This list is in no particular order:

(1) Avoidance of debt. Our Church leaders have counseled us to stay out of debt as much as we reasonably can. We are going to be poor as it is when we get married, with him still being in school. We are both going to be working, but that's mainly so we don't starve to death or go into debt. We both want to be in a stage in life where we can have kids without worrying about debt, and that will be when he's finished with school and has a full-time job.

(2) Avoiding guilt. If we had a baby right away, one of two scenarios may occur: I would have to quit working to stay at home with baby while Stephan tries to go to school and provide. I would feel so guilty if that were the case. The other scenario is that I continue working, but I would have to leave baby with someone and I would feel guilty because *I* want to be the one taking care of my own baby. If we wait until Stephan is done with school and has a full-time job that pays pretty well (and since he's getting a degree in Math with a minor in Computer Science, he should be irresistible to employers), I can stay at home with baby guilt-free. 

(3) We will be better parents. If neither of us is in school, worrying about studying and tests, we can devote more time and energy to our children. I feel like we will be better parents to our children if we are both finished with our education. Plus, we will have been married for a little while, so we know each other better :)

(4) Prevention/Treatment of Endometriosis. Endometriosis plagues my mother's family. My mom had it. My grandmother had it. My one biological aunt had it. A bunch of my mom's cousins have had it. And I have been exhibiting symptoms of it. In its advanced stages, Endometriosis can cause infertility and increase the risk of miscarriage. My mom was not diagnosed until she was in the advanced stages, so she had to have multiple surgeries. She got four kids, but she had to fight hard to get pregnant the first time. I don't want to go through what she did. Birth control pills have been proven to prevent and treat endometriosis. So, in a matter of speaking, birth control pills will make me more fertile. 

(5) Making sure my time of the month does not happen on my wedding day. Can you imagine how awkward it would be to be menstruating on your wedding day? Ugh. With birth control pills, I can control when that happens. That's empowering. 

It's not like we're waiting five years to have kids. No way. I'm not telling you the exact length of time we're waiting, but we are not waiting a terribly long time. But I'll tell you this: Stephan does not have much longer in school. We both want kids. If you know me well enough, you know that I LOVE babies. I'm serious--if I see a baby, I automatically coo over it. My mom will swear that I was born with maternal instincts because I've been doting on babies since I became mobile. I also took very good care of my dolls. And when Scott was born, I wasn't jealous of him. I was jealous that he was my mom's baby and not mine. I wanted to be his mom! But according to my mom, I was a good helper. And at family gatherings, I'm always holding someone's baby.

Plus, Stephan thinks I'm so cute when I interact with the little ones. Ha ha. 

And if Heavenly Father decides that we have to have a baby, it will happen (birth control occasionally fails, you know). If that's the case, Heavenly Father will help us as long as we are faithful.

For those of you who have been able to balance kids and school: my hat goes off to you. You have my respect. Please know that I am not disparaging you in any way. Like I said, it was between you and the Lord. Kudos to you for heeding the promptings of the Spirit!

Smiles and good feelings all around :)