Of course, a lot of my college plans seemed to coincide with what God had in mind for me. I started out as an English Literature major with the intent to minor in Editing, but then I changed to English Language my junior year, still minoring in Editing. I didn't want to spend years and years in school, and that worked out. I also didn't want to get married until I was at least 21 and mostly done with school--I got married at age 22, the day after I graduated. Perfect.
But other things have not gone according to plan. There was Andrew--I wanted things to work out with him, but God told me that there was someone a million times better for me out there. I couldn't believe it at the time, but six weeks after ending things with him, I met Stephan. At that time, I thought that first date with Stephan would be the last because I *did not* like him. Divine intervention took place, and now I thank God everyday that I changed my mind.
Then there has been my job situation. My plan was to have a job as soon as possible so I could put Stephan through school. It's the good Mormon wife thing to do after all. That obviously did not work the way I wanted it to. I wanted to work, mainly so I could put my degree to some kind of use, and so we could have financial security. Aren't we all counseled to be as financially secure as possible, after all?
During my time of unemployment, I realized that perhaps the reason I wasn't getting a job as soon as I (and our mothers *ahem*) wanted was that I needed the time to focus on other things, like being a good homemaker. Knowing me, it would have been a nightmare trying to figure out how to keep a household running and work at the same time in the beginning. I was also able to do some freelance jobs here and there, which helped a little bit.
Almost a year after I graduated, I finally got a stable job. The freelance jobs I had, as well as my editing minor, helped me get that job. Finally, we could have some semblance of financial security. We wouldn't have to worry where my next paycheck was coming from! And Stephan could focus more on doing well in school.
Then three months later, out of the blue, I got laid off. Bam.
I couldn't understand it. Why would I get a job that let me use my skills, only to lose it a short time later? Stephan gave me a Priesthood blessing after I got laid off, and the blessing promised that I would have a job soon, and that I would enjoy it.
A few days later, I stopped by a visiting teachee's apartment so I could schedule an appointment with her. We got to chatting, and my layoff came up. She asked me if I wanted to watch her son a few times a week for pay while I was looking for another job. Apparently, she wasn't all too pleased with her then baby-sitter, and she also wanted someone close by. I accepted, thinking this would be a temporary thing until something better came along. That blessing could not have been implying watching Aiden, did it?
Five months later, I'm still watching Aiden. There have been jobs that have come up that I could have applied for, with better pay. Tempting, considering how there have been months where the number on our bank balance scared us. It would have made perfect sense for me to get a better paying job!
And yet, I still keep getting the feeling to stay with Aiden. There was one job that I was especially tempted to apply for--a part-time editing job that paid better than my old job. I prayed about it, and got the feeling to compare the benefits of getting a new job and staying with Aiden. This was one of those difficult "good and better" decisions. So I made a list, and the benefits of staying with Aiden were greater in number than the benefits of getting another job.
I also recently learned that my willingness to watch Aiden was also an answer to Misti's (the mom) prayers. There was some drama that had happened with her previous baby-sitter; nothing too serious, just the girl overreacting when Aiden's dad came to pick him up. She probably thought he was one of those ex-husbands you hear about on the news (I've met him, and he is not). Because of this, some disagreements ensued, and no one was happy. Misti decided she needed a new baby-sitter: someone who wasn't a teenager and who lived close by.
Since I've started watching Aiden, she and his dad have not argued about him. Her ex-husband is happy knowing that Aiden was being watched by someone (a) married, (b) with a college degree, and (c) over the age of 18. Apparently all of this implies maturity ;)
Stephan has also become more comfortable around little kids since I've been baby-sitting Aiden. For those who don't know, Stephan has been uncomfortable around small children ever since he accidentally dropped his sister when she bit him on the chest (hard). Well now, Stephan loves playing video games with Aiden, and he is quite anxious for us to start having kids.
I know some people might be thinking, "Well *I* have to work! You're just lucky!" The Lord's plan is different for everyone, with the same goal in mind: to draw closer to Him. I confess, I often feel guilty that I stay home while my husband busts his tail off going to school and going to work. And there have been many months where I wonder if we're going to survive, and somehow, we do. I also feel guilty because I know women who want nothing more than to stay home, but circumstances are such that they cannot. Stupid economy.
The title of my post is part of a song that children learn in my church. It's called "I Will Follow God's Plan." The lyric that is in the title has been running in my head since I started brainstorming this post. Here's the actual song:
My life is a gift; my life has a plan.
My life has a purpose; in heav’n it began.
My choice was to come to this lovely home on earth
And seek for God’s light to direct me from birth.
I will follow God’s plan for me,
Holding fast to his word and his love.
I will work, and I will pray;
I will always walk in his way.
Then I will be happy on earth
And in my home above.
I often struggle with doing God's will, especially when it isn't what I want to do. But I have to remember that he knows me infinitely better than I know myself. And I know that when I have followed promptings he has given me, that I have been a lot happier in the long run than if I had just done what I wanted to in the first place. I know that God loves each and every one of us, and he has a plan for us all, however different each individual's plan may be. But like I said, the ultimate goal is for all of us to gain eternal happiness and to return back to him.
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| And how can you want to leave such a cutie? At least when he's good... |
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